So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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