I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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