new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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