Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i will never coherently bang her
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
