saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
