He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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