Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Randomize
