The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize