piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
