i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
