so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
