At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
