omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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