I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
