i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
