How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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