you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize