I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
