Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
