Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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