so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
