4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
