so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize