i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
