Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
