No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
