yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
