the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
