I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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