Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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