I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Randomize