Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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