dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize