i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
