Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
