Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
