Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's rum buckets o'clock
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize