I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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