I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
