i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
