yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
