she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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