He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
