I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
