I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
