I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
