im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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