brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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