oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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