why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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