me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
