we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
