i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you still have your period?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize