your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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