your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
