Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
