I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can't turn off my feet"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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