Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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