I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
