I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
