Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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