I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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