When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
